Is it Dangerous or Just Scary?
As I shared last week in our interview with Christie Locke-Romero a positive MINDSET is one of the most important things that can influence your success in business and life. So why is that so hard? One word, FEAR.
FEAR (False Evidence Appearing Real) is my favorite definition of fear. As Lao Tzu, the Chinese Philosopher said, “There is no illusion greater than fear”, and as Mark Twain said, “I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.”
In my work with people, their money, and their business , there is a lot of FEAR. Many are taught from a young age to be AFRAID of money, the government, filling out forms, and even doing business in general. I understand there is a natural fear of the unknown, but sometimes choosing the KNOWN is actually more dangerous.
In his book How I Built This: The Unexpected Paths to Success from the World's Most Inspiring Entrepreneurs, NPR Host Guy Raz talks about the concept of something being dangerous or just scary.
There are certain things in life that are inherently dangerous and no amount of mindset adjustment will make it any less so. Other things are very safe, but we think they’re scary because of the unknown or lack of perceived control. Take airline travel vs. traveling by car. So many people have a fear of flying, yet statistics show your odds of being killed in a plane crash are 1 in 11million, as compared to 1 in 5,000 for a fatal vehicle accident. On the surface, this fear of flying does not seem logical, but it is the way the mind works. Most people would rather choose a “known” where they feel they have control over an “unknown” where there is an element of risk.
In Guys’ book, one of his entrepreneurs left a very successful career as a management consultant to strike out on his own and create a business in a field he literally had no experience in. For him, the fear of regret was greater than the fear of failure. He knew the regret of not trying would negatively affect his health, his relationships, and his happiness. As Guy sums it up, “Failing is scary. Wasting your life is dangerous.”
Dope on a Rope
A summarized version of this short story by author Karen Salmansohn illustrates the opposite choice. A criminal was brought before a king to be sentenced for his crimes. The king offered two options; either be hung, or choose whatever was behind a big, ominous, dark door. The criminal looked at the door, paralyzed by fear, and quickly chose to be hung. Right before his death sentence was carried out, he asked the king, “By the way, out of curiosity, what’s behind that door?” The king replied: “Freedom, but it seems most people are so afraid of the unknown that they immediately take the rope.”
Recognizing and Overcoming Fear
“Thinking will not overcome fear but action will.”
Think about the first time you rode a bike or drove a car - for most of us it was scary but now we do it effortlessly and without fear. It’s the same way with business. The more you do something, make mistakes and recover, your “business muscles” become stronger and you realize there is nothing to be afraid of. But you can’t do this in your head - you have to take action. Here are three things you can do:
Avoid Avoidance. This may be the #1 fear tactic - avoidance. What are you afraid of? Hint: it is probably something you’re avoiding. Are you avoiding looking at your finances? Doing your taxes? Filling out one of the endless forms that are required when you’re in business?
At some point, you’re going to have to jump in and face it. Avoidance never ends well. It costs you time, money and most importantly, peace of mind. Take a moment and write down three things you are avoiding. Then write down things you can do right now (research how to do it yourself, ask a friend for help, or pay someone to do it) to deal with them. Remember - someone knows how to do what you need and they can help you. You are not alone. Make a commitment to facing and finishing these three things. You will experience a tremendous boost in confidence and power that will carry over to other areas in your life as well!Focus on Your Wins. A good way to build confidence and overcome fear is to look back at your life and remember what you’ve overcome to get to this point. There is power in your journey that can help you face whatever you are afraid of. I do this a lot. Whenever I’m faced with a particularly unknown or risky venture, I think back how, as a teenager growing up in and out of homelessness Detroit I HAD to figure out the tax system to help my mother resolve her IRS issues and ultimately get refunds that were owed to her. Those stakes were high. For me, regardless of what I’ve dealt with since, they have never been that high, and I draw on the strength that was, and still is, in me.
What’s your “strength story?” It does not have to be super dramatic. Fear is relative. Draw on a moment in your life where you felt the fear and did it anyway, and then do at least one thing that you’re avoiding because of fear. And remember, very little if anything you face in business will result in you ending up in prison or in front of a firing squad so press on! You can do it!Protect Your Dreams. Dreams are delicate things and need to be planted in an environment where, although not always easy, should be supportive. Fear, and listening to fear-based people (IRL or online) can snuff out your dreams before they even have a chance to take root. Last week Christie mentioned how important it was to have a mentor and her “tribe” that believes in her. This is so true! As W. Clement Stone said, “You are a product of your environment. So choose the environment that will best develop you toward your objective. Analyze your life in terms of its environment. Are the things around you helping you toward success - or are they holding you back?”
Pay attention to the thoughts and actions of those in your circle. Are they based in fear or joy and confidence? How does this affect your state of mind? I’m not saying kick anyone to the curb, just be aware. Awareness is power. Actively listen and watch so you can consciously protect yourself and your dreams from any fear-based, negative energy you may be exposed to. The action you can take is to limit your exposure (that’s easy to do online - just turn it off!), or, IRL you can remove yourself, and/or actively change the conversation and elevate the vibe. Be the change you want to see in the world.
Finally, help someone! If you know someone that is “afraid of the dark” light their path and do what you can to help. Show them what you’ve learned so they can have more peace and freedom in their lives as well. I’m sharing all I know for this very reason. I’ve either done, or have witnessed nearly every business mistake and I will continue to share my experiences so that you know how to face your fears, and better yet, realize there is truly nothing to be afraid of!